Alas! my hand is benumbed; I can no longer draw my sword. What has become of my strength?

BDELYCLEON: When they are afraid, they promise to divide Euboea among you and to give each fifty bushels of wheat, but what have they given you? Nothing excepting, quite recently, five bushels of barley, and even these you have only obtained with great difficulty, on proving you were not aliens, and then choenix by choenix. That is why I always kept you shut in; I wanted you to be fed by me and no longer at the beck of these blustering braggarts. Even now I am ready to let you have all you want, provided you no longer let yourself be suckled by the pay-clerk.

He was right who said, "Decide nothing till you have heard both sides," for it seems to me, that 'tis you who now gain the complete victory. My wrath is appeased, I throw away my sticks. Come, comrade, our contemporary, let yourself be gained over by his words; come, do not be too obstinate or too perverse. Why have I no relation, no ally to speak to me like this? Do not doubt it, 'tis a god who is now protecting you and loading you with his benefits. Accept them.

I will feed him, I will give him everything that is suitable for an old man, oatmeal gruel, a cloak, soft furs and a maid to rub his loins and play with his tool. But he is silent and utters not a word; 'tis a bad sign.

CHORUS: He has thought the thing over and has recognized his folly; he reproaches himself for not having followed your advice always. But there he is, converted by your words, and has no doubt become wiser to alter his ways in future and to believe in none but you.

Alas! alas!

BDELYCLEON: Now why this lamentation?

PHILOCLEON: A truce to your promises! What I love is down there, 'tis down there I want to be, there, where the herald cries, "Who has not yet voted? Let him rise!" I want to be the last to leave the urn of all. Oh, my soul, my soul! where art thou? come! oh! dark shadows, make way for me! By Heracles, may I reach the Court in time to convict Cleon of theft.

Come, father, in the name of the gods, believe me!

PHILOCLEON: Believe you! Ask me anything, anything, except one.

BDELYCLEON: What is it? Let us hear.

PHILOCLEON: Not to judge any more! Before I consent, I shall have appeared before Pluto.

BDELYCLEON: Very well then, since you find so much pleasure in it, go down there no more, but stay here and deal out justice to your slaves.

PHILOCLEON: But what is there to judge? Are you mad?

Everything as in a tribunal. If a servant opens a door secretly, you inflict upon him a simple fine; 'tis what you have repeatedly done down there. Everything can be arranged to suit you. If it is warm in the morning, you can judge in the sunlight; if it is snowing, then seated at your fire; if it rains, you go indoors; and if you only rise at noon, there will be no Thesmothetes to exclude you from the precincts.

The notion pleases me.

BDELYCLEON: Moreover, if a pleader is long-winded, you will not be fasting and chafing and seeking vengeance on the accused.

PHILOCLEON: But could I judge as well with my mouth full?

BDELYCLEON: Much better. Is it not said, that the dicasts, when deceived by lying witnesses, have need to ruminate well in order to arrive at the truth?

PHILOCLEON: Well said, but you have not told me yet who will pay salary.

The notion pleases me.

BDELYCLEON: Moreover, if a pleader is long-winded, you will not be fasting and chafing and seeking vengeance on the accused.

PHILOCLEON: But could I judge as well with my mouth full?

BDELYCLEON: Much better. Is it not said, that the dicasts, when deceived by lying witnesses, have need to ruminate well in order to arrive at the truth?

PHILOCLEON: Well said, but you have not told me yet who will pay salary.

I will.

PHILOCLEON: So much the better; in this way I shall be paid by myself. Because that cursed jester, Lysistratus, played me an infamous trick the other day. He received a drachma for the two of us and went on the fish-market to get it changed and then brought me back three mullet scales. I took them for obols and crammed them into my mouth; but the smell choked me and I quickly spat them out. So I dragged him before the Court.

I will.

PHILOCLEON: So much the better; in this way I shall be paid by myself. Because that cursed jester, Lysistratus, played me an infamous trick the other day. He received a drachma for the two of us and went on the fish-market to get it changed and then brought me back three mullet scales. I took them for obols and crammed them into my mouth; but the smell choked me and I quickly spat them out. So I dragged him before the Court.

And what did he say to that?

PHILOCLEON: Well, he pretended I had the stomach of a cock. "You have soon digested the money," he said with a laugh.

BDELYCLEON: You see, that is yet another advantage.

PHILOCLEON: And no small one either. Come, do as you will.

BDELYCLEON: Wait! I will bring everything here.

PHILOCLEON: You see, the oracles are coming true; I have heard it foretold, that one day the Athenians would dispense justice in their own houses, that each citizen would have himself a little tribunal constructed in his porch similar to the altars of Hecaté, and that there would be such before every door.

And what did he say to that?

PHILOCLEON: Well, he pretended I had the stomach of a cock. "You have soon digested the money," he said with a laugh.

BDELYCLEON: You see, that is yet another advantage.

PHILOCLEON: And no small one either. Come, do as you will.

BDELYCLEON: Wait! I will bring everything here.

PHILOCLEON: You see, the oracles are coming true; I have heard it foretold, that one day the Athenians would dispense justice in their own houses, that each citizen would have himself a little tribunal constructed in his porch similar to the altars of Hecaté, and that there would be such before every door.

And what did he say to that?

PHILOCLEON: Well, he pretended I had the stomach of a cock. "You have soon digested the money," he said with a laugh.

BDELYCLEON: You see, that is yet another advantage.

PHILOCLEON: And no small one either. Come, do as you will.

BDELYCLEON: Wait! I will bring everything here.

PHILOCLEON: You see, the oracles are coming true; I have heard it foretold, that one day the Athenians would dispense justice in their own houses, that each citizen would have himself a little tribunal constructed in his porch similar to the altars of Hecaté, and that there would be such before every door.