Thirty character sketches of human types — the flatterer, the miser, the boor, the superstitious man. Each one is a page long and recognisable after two thousand years. The ancestor of every satirical character study.
Start ReadingThe Dissembler (Eiron). He agrees to everything, promises nothing, and denies what he has just done.
The Flatterer. He praises everything you say, picks lint off your cloak, and laughs before you finish the joke.
The Chatterer. He sits down uninvited and talks without pause. His children cannot sleep. His dinner guests cannot eat.
The Boor. He drinks his broth before it cools, scratches himself during sacrifices, and tells his barber the same story twice.
The Complaisant Man. He will agree with anyone, applaud anything, and side with whoever spoke last.
The Reckless Man. He guarantees loans he cannot pay, picks fights he cannot win, and dances sober.
The Talker. Not a chatterer — a long-winded man who insists on explaining the obvious in exhaustive detail.
The Newsmonger. He invents reports from the front, quotes sources he has never met, and knows what the king of Persia had for breakfast.
The Shameless Man. He borrows without returning, begs without embarrassment, and eats the last fig at someone else's table.
The Penny-Pincher. He measures wine by the thimbleful, counts olives at dinner, and charges his own children for lost buttons.
The Offensive Man. He shows his sores to dinner guests, clips his nails in public, and belches during sacrifices.
The Untimely Man. He sings when others mourn, arrives early for appointments, and tells the bride a better man was available.
The Busybody. He volunteers for every task, meddles in every dispute, and knows the price of everything at the market.
The Absent-Minded Man. He looks for what he is holding, forgets funerals, and walks into doors.
The Unsociable Man. He answers greetings with grunts, walks past friends without seeing them, and considers silence a social skill.
The Superstitious Man. He purifies himself at every puddle, refuses to step on tombstones, and consults seers about sneezes.
The Grumbler. Nothing satisfies him. The weather is wrong, the food is cold, the gods are unfair, and his friends are ungrateful.
The Distrustful Man. He sends a second slave to check on the first. He counts his change three times. He locks the door and returns to check it.
The Repulsive Man. He goes unbathed, unwashed, and uncut. His teeth are black, his nails are long, and he smells of goats.
The Unpleasant Man. He makes jokes that are not funny, clowns at funerals, and thinks embarrassment is hilarious.
The Man of Petty Ambition. He fights for the front seat at the theatre, engraves his name on every gift, and names his crow 'Alcibiades'.
The Stingy Man. He weighs bread, measures oil, and locks up half-finished bottles of wine.
The Show-off. He claims to have made a fortune in trade but borrows money from his slave.
The Arrogant Man. He keeps visitors waiting, walks ahead of his companions, and sends servants to announce his arrival.
The Coward. He mistakes rocks for pirates, runs from dolphins, and asks the helmsman if they are past the headlands yet.
The Oligarchic Man. He despises the poor, admires the Spartans, and thinks only ten men in Athens are worth talking to.
The Late Learner. He memorises speeches at sixty, takes dancing lessons at seventy, and races his own children in the gymnasium.
The Slanderer. He attacks the absent, qualifies every praise with 'but', and swears he is only telling the truth.
The Friend of Rascals. He prefers the company of scoundrels, admires the clever criminal, and thinks honesty is merely a lack of opportunity.
The Miser. The final character and Theophrastus's darkest portrait. He starves his household, steals from his guests, and dies with a locked strongbox and no friends.